This is the section where I answer some frequently asked questions.

Fictional Interviewer: Is your name really Gideon?

Me: Yes.

FI: Really?

M: Yes.

FI: (incredulously) Really, really?

M: What is this? A strenuous objection?

FI: Okay fine, let’s pretend your name is Gideon. Are you a real lawyer?

M: Depends on what you mean by “real lawyer”.

FI: (a roll of the eyes may be permitted here) Yeah…that answered my question.


FI: (chewing on the tip of an imaginary pen) Why do you blog?

M: This is the closest I will ever get to fulfilling my dream of being a published academician.

FI: How would you describe your blogging style?

M: Rambling sparsely. Actually, that’s a great band name or blog name. I’m registering it. BACK OFF.

FI: Do you ever write about your own cases?

M: I value the law license I got from Booster Jones at the corner of Main and Center far too much to do that. Others might value it at $3.95.

FI: Who is your hero?

M: Sir Humphrey Appleby

FI: Animal, vegetable or mineral?

M: Given how much time I spend on my couch, vegetable, definitely.

FI: How do you find the time to blog?

M: As Neo once learned, there is no blog. Only when you see that will you realize that it is you who creates the posts, not me.

FI: What. The. Hell?

M: (giggling) I’m so high, man. I know kung-fu!

FI: (shuffling papers) So, onto the bloggy-woggy, legaly-wegaly stuff.

M: Did you just take a hit of my stuff?

FI: Can you represent someone you know is guilty?

M: It’s a job requirement. In fact, in the landmark case of Gideon v. Trumpet Wainwright, the Supreme Court predicted the outcome of its decision as “helping poor people get convicted with the assistance of counsel”.

FI: (philosophically) Do you ever truly know if your client is guilty?

M: Yeah, most of the time.

FI: Where do you stand on all the hot-button issues?

M: When did you stop hitting your wife?

FI: I haven’t-I mean, only – no, wait.

M: Exactly.

FI: Can people ask you legal questions?

M: The internet is a free place, my friend. Sure they can ask. Doesn’t mean I’ll answer them.

FI: Why are you so rude to people sometimes?

M: My parents beat me when I was a child. And their parents didn’t. So I’m just spreading the beat.

FI: Is it true that you’re running for Governor of Connecticut?

M: Yes, it is! I even have a fancy website where I promise hope and change.

FI: Do you think you’ll ever reveal your true identity?

M: I don’t think.

Did anyone really ask these questions?

No. This is what I’d want you to ask if I permitted you to ask questions, though. Also, no one likes a smartass.