Two mostly independent stories to take you on an emotional rollercoaster this lazy Sunday. First, from the increasingly stupid United States of America, a story of how a teen’s life got flip-turned upside down. You see, he was just on the playground where he spent most of his days, minding his own business. You know, chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool and sometimes with this friends he liked to be shooting some b-ball outside of the school.
WAIT. DID HE JUST SAY SHOOT AND SCHOOL IN THE SAME SENTENCE? ARREST HIM! Once you’re done laughing, know that that’s exactly what happened to 19-year old Travis Clawson because a doctor’s office called his voicemail to confirm an appointment, heard the above line, thought he was shooting people outside the school and called cops. Who arrested him first, then spent the 20 seconds it takes to realize it’s the theme song from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. No word on whether Carlton showed up to dance and everyone laughed at him.
[Also: is this a thing now? People leave notes of their criminal intent as voicemail messages? "Hi, you've reached my cellphone. I'm unavailable right now because I'm robbing that Stop-n-Go on Orchard and Willard. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you when I get out in 5-20 years because I'm stupid enough to leave --- BEEP."]
The second story is from the always-slightly-odd-but-not-as-odd-as-the-Japanese-because-those-guys-are-fucking-crazy-am-I-right-with-the-tentacles-and-cartoons-and-stuff-British. Apparently a crime happened, as it often does, and one of the witnesses to the crime was PC Peach. So those industrious prosecutors wrote to the police department asking for Peach’s statement. The police department wrote back, saying it was a typo and PC Peach was actually PD Peach. The prosecutors didn’t really care and demanded that statement. So they were sent this:
PD Peach stands for Police Dog Peach.
Dog, like Will Smith is the
Dog Dawg Dogg man.