Archive for December, 2010
These crumbs are wishing you a happy new year
Dec 31st
Life is like a box of choc-oh now I'm sad
Unlike last year’s new year’s eve explosion of completely useless posts that no one read and I barely remember writing, this year I’ve decided that there’s no better way to ring in the new year than with a reminder of how wonderful and crazy the internet is. So, the final “crumbs” edition of 2010, brought to you by Sad Keanu:
- Let me see you naked: the most recurring theme in all searches, which just goes to confirm the “theory” that the internet would not exist without nudity and porn.
- you rock: yes, yes I do, don’t I?
- you know you’re screwed when: see next entry
- fuck: QED
- what day is Caturday: Really? You haven’t been paying attention to anything I’ve said? Every day is Caturday. In fact, Caturday was the most searched word of all-time. Ever. Just goes to show that the internet actually couldn’t exist without cats doing funny things and porn.
- April 17 1996: According to Wikipedia, that day does not exist.
- Conviction rates of whites to blacks: I believe the word you’re looking for is conversion.
- how can rotten peach contribute to real life? when life gives you rotten peaches, you move to another state.
- officer said he would drop my charge: that bridge you bought is also worth nothing
- rehab cliparts
- guilty of creating disturbance: I think that’s what Darth Vader was when he wiped out an entire planet
- the justice system makes me want to kill myself: In Sovyet Raasha, you dont keel jaastice seestem, jaastice seestem keel you
- how do I determine whether I am practicing law in NY: well, are you?
- tv show defenders bar they drink at: Dude. It’s a show. They’re not real. You won’t meet them. Stalker.
- lege sex: awkward, cacophonous, mostly uncomfortable and you might catch someone playing solitaire in the middle of it.
- how do you find the defendant: look for the guy in a prison jumpsuit with shackles
- plea bargaining quote: $500
- show how to learn about law: that’s stupid. No one’s going to watch that show.
- kick in the groin: that’s what these posts feel like.
And that’s about all the nonsense I can tolerate. Have a Happy New Year!
Top 10 things you shouldn’t say to your clients
Dec 28th
eh heh, eh heh, yup, uh huh
In the end-of-the-year-lists-that-are-poor-substitutes-for-actual-writing spirit, I present to you the first of many Top 10 lists. Today, we learn about things that you really shouldn’t tell your client (it would really help if you pictured this list being introduced by Letterman portrayed by Peter Griffin).
So, without any more fanfare or irrelevant segues, the Top 10 things you really shouldn’t say to your clients, in no particular order:
10. Now, when did you stop beating your wife?
9. We’re going to go with the “your identical twin brother did it” defense.
8. You’re right, I’m not a real lawyer, but for $500 I’ll play one in real life.
7. And if you plead within the next 30 minutes, I’ll throw in an extra set of kitchen knives, free.
6. Listen, you keep saying you didn’t do it, but I really don’t believe you.
5. Remember, it’s always polite to tip your lawyer.
4. Has anyone ever told you you look like Charles Manson?
3. Maybe spending a few decades in jail will do you some good.
2. Bro, I love you and all, but that teardrop tattoo looks ridiculous.
1. Who cares how much evidence they have against you, God is on our side.
The comments are yours.
And frankly, the only reason I wrote this damn post is so I could use that picture. Don’t judge me, you’re no better.
Sundown comes to East Haven
Dec 27th
o
East Haven, CT generally has two claims to fame: being a predominantly Italian-American populated town and being in the middle of the collision of tectonic plates during the Paleozoic Era, which led to the formation of Pangaea (yeah, bet you didn’t know that!). And now, rapidly, the town is intent on adding a third selling point: a sundown town.
Residents of Connecticut will have heard these stories for years now: the systematic harassment of and discrimination against minorities, mainly Hispanic, who comprise about 5% of the town’s population. For example, Father James Manship was arrested in March of 2009 after he started videotaping the harassment of Latinos [what is up with cops and videotaping in the Havens?]. During that same incident, police inexplicably ordered the owner of a store to take down expired license plates that adorned his walls:
On the evening of his arrest, at around 5:30 p.m. on Thursday, Feb. 19, Father Manship walked into My Country Store, a convenience store in East Haven run by Ecuadorians. Inside, the police were removing over 60 expired license plates that had been hung as decorations in the store. The license plates were government property, the officers had said, and they were confiscating them.
After the police arrested the priest, they noticed that the store was equipped with security cameras. Elio Cruz, a leader in New Haven’s Virgen Del Cisne Ecuadorian community, was in the store that night. “When [the police officers] realized there was videotaping from My Country Store, they went crazy,” Cruz recalled later. “They said it was illegal and they tried to grab the computer.”
Matute said that three officers entered the back room without his permission and searched the shelves in his storeroom. When they found the hard drive containing the store’s digital security camera footage, they wanted to take it, but Matute wouldn’t let them, he said. Matute said that the officers then called a detective to bring a video camera to record the security footage off of the computer screen, but the detective’s camera didn’t work.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg. In October of this year, some Latino residents of East Haven filed a federal civil rights lawsuit against the city, after the DOJ had opened an investigation into police tactics:
Death penalty abolition bill filed and waiting
Dec 16th
It isn’t even January yet and already state legislators are “pre-filing” bills to be voted upon in the next session of the state legislature. As expected, first among them is a death penalty abolition bill with State Rep. Gary Holder-Winfield as its proponent. Holder-Winfield, you may recall, spearheaded the first abolition bill two years ago, which passed both the House and Senate and was ultimately vetoed by “only a month left until she’s gone, wooohoo” Gov. Rell.
Holder-Winfield has also introduced other necessary criminal justice reform legislation, like adopting the best practices for eyewitness identification procedures and videotaping interrogations. He has “pre-filed” a bill addressing the former once again.
Of course, with the just concluded Hayes trial and the upcoming circus in the trial of his co-defendant Joshua Komisarjevsky, the debate on the death penalty bill is likely to be emotional, contentious and close. But no one can accuse Holder-Winfield of falling prey to the typical abolitionist tendencies of avoiding confrontation and “waiting for the right moment”, which almost never materializes, because there’s always a heinous crime around which the pro-death penalty folks will rally.
With newly elected anti-death penalty Dan Malloy taking over the reins of the State for the next 4 years, there’s a sliver of hope for abolition.
H/T: CTNJ
Queensland, Alabama
Dec 15th
If you look closely, you can see "South Pacific Ocean". Alabama is no longer part of the US! Yay!
Anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of geography will quickly realize that Queensland is not in Alabama at all. Queensland is in Australia and Alabama is, well, somewhere down south where we like to pretend doesn’t exist.
But the two have come together in this mind-boggling and ultimately bordering on illegal vendetta prosecution of Gabe Watson for the murder of his wife Tina, in 2003.
And while the rest of the world is busy getting up in arms about Julian Assange and Sweden and Britain and bail and the US and possible prosecutions [that's SEO, n00bs], it falls upon me to bring you this sorry tale of overreaching and choice of law.
Back in ’03, Gabe and Tina, newlyweds, went to Queensland for its great barrier reef and it’s picturesque setting for a honeymoon. As most people not named Gideon are wont to do, they went scuba diving and that’s where tragedy struck. Tina drowned and died. Gabe returned to Alabama where he lived for 5 years until an Australian court indicted him for the murder of Tina Watson. He voluntarily returned to Queensland and through the good work of his lawyers was able to secure a plea bargain wherein he pled guilty to manslaughter, for “failing to perform his duties as dive buddy” that resulted in Tina’s death. He was sentenced to 12 months in prison, which was later increased to 18 months by Australian “authorities”:
After objections from Tina Watson’s family and Alabama Attorney General Troy King that the sentence was too lenient, Australian Attorney General Cameron Dick increased Watson’s time by six months.
What does this have to do with Alabama? Well, that’s where he’s from and that’s where Tina was from, so a few months ago, AL prosecutors indicted the proverbial ham sandwich: two counts of capital felony. Australia, bless their reformed souls, agreed to deport Watson only if AL agreed to take the death penalty off the table.
So, you’re probably wondering, how in [insert deity of choice]‘s name does Alabama have jurisdiction? The crime, whatever it may be, occurred almost 10,000 miles away, on the other side of the planet. AL prosecutors’ assertion is that he killed Tina for insurance money, a plot that was hatched in AL before going to Queensland where he completed it.
The problem with that theory is this:
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