Every day is Caturday

Cats are popular. They’re even more popular on the internet, which was, as we all know, invented just for cats. Every day is Caturday [here’s the ED version of Caturday, which means it’s totally NSFW. I mean it, really. Not. Safe. For. Work].

Sometimes, though, the internet bleeds into real life (shocking, I know). And such has been the case the past week, with three stories – two local – involving cats and crime.

First, this tragi-comic tale of Gregory Lesco, who killed the family cat after it ate his pet bird (no, I”m not making that up):

Police say Lesco told them he was doing dishes when the bird flew from his cage to join him and the cat, named Pepper, jumped up and grabbed it. He said he hit the cat in the head with a baseball bat and then suffocated it with a rug.

He says he struck the cat to try to get it to drop the bird, and then suffocated it because he couldn’t afford to take it to a vet to treat its injuries.

Mr. Lesco, not to be confused with the equally bizarre Matthew Lesko, is charged with one count of Animal Cruelty, which happens to be a class D felony, punishable by 5 years in jail.

Then yesterday, I saw this post by Rick Horowitz about a Michigan law that makes it a crime for cats to fight. Since there’s no room in cat jails, they stick the owners in human jails instead:

The City of Kalamazoo, Michigan, apparently has some fairly weird laws on the books regarding animals.  For example, it is apparently a misdemeanor — not an infraction, but a misdemeanor with a real criminal record and a real jail sentence as a potential punishment — not that a simple thing like a criminal record could ever impact anyone’s ability to get a job or a professional license — a misdemeanor to own a cat that fights with other cats.  In addition to making it apparently illegal to have a cat that fights with other cats, Kalamazoo also charges owning a dog that barks as a misdemeanor.

I don’t know if that last bit is true, but the charges will be dropped if the cat behaves herself. The cat’s plan is working. Next step: world domination.

And finally, this morning, we get news of a honest-to-goodness cat burglar. No, I mean that literally. A woman who burgles cats (and there’s another awesome cat picture after the jump so don’t you dare not click through):

A Connecticut woman has been arrested on allegations she stole people’s pet cats in several towns and put them up for sale on a website.

Stonington Animal Control Officer Rae Jean Davis wrote in an arrest warrant application that she believes Michelle Courter of Stonington set traps for numerous cats and placed ads for them on petfinder.com.

The woman says that she had no idea how the cats got there, or in the alternative, she was holding them for a friend. Really, I think the cats are behind this too. They’re brainwashing her into selling them, so they can spread far and wide. Perhaps as far as Kalamazoo, MI, because they have to answer the call to war made by their comrade there.

In addition to Animal Cruelty, she’s also been charged with, umm, theft of companion animal. By the way, in these animal statutes, it’s really interesting how dogs are given primacy. “Dogs and other companion animals”. Maybe this is why the cats are revolting.

So there you have it. It’s Official Caturday Week Day. Should any of them go to jail? Get a fine? Have a gaggle of cats meow incessantly outside their bedroom door?

Cat-ch you later!

No, silly cat, everyday is Caturday.

8 thoughts on “Every day is Caturday

  1. mirriam

    I believe you, your a female. Only a girl would write this.

    But I think that this might be my favorite most useless post of the week. Everyone else is writing about stuff like cops kicking people in the face or life in prison or bad lawyers. This is exactly the kind of ‘pick me up’ that can let me get on with my day.

    I have no substantive comment to make on the post otherwise.

  2. joe

    Animal cruelty is a misdemeanor not a felony you idiot! It is punishable by a maximum of one year and jail and a 1000 dollar fine, but usually you get off with a small fine and anger managment. Stop preaching false information.

    1. Gideon Post author

      (b) Any person who maliciously and intentionally maims, mutilates, tortures, wounds or kills an animal shall be fined not more than five thousand dollars or imprisoned not more than five years or both.

      It can be both. Snark fail.

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