Archive for March 20, 2009

Eyeballs: a Texas delicacy

googly-eyes

eye eye cap'n

How many times can one say: “It happens only in Texas” and not sound repetitive? I’m pushing the envelope here. Because, this just happened in Texas.

A man plucked and ate both his eyeballs (though not at the same time) and yet he was found competent to stand trial and be convicted of capital murder. Texas sure loves their executions (and eyeball marinara).

A condemned Texas inmate with a history of mental problems who removed his only eye and ate it in a bizarre outburst several months ago on death row lost an appeal Wednesday at the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals.

Thomas “is clearly ‘crazy,’ but he is also ‘sane’ under Texas law,” Judge Cathy Cochran wrote in a 14-page statement accompanying the court’s brief order upholding Thomas’ conviction and punishment.

Yes, that does seem to be a contradiction of terms, although I guess one can argue that the legal standard for “sane” is so damn low that even eating one’s eyeballs clears that standard.

I’m going to pause for a second here while we all collectively shudder.

Everything about this case, including the murders themselves, are truly bizarre:

It depends on what “unlawfully remains” means

IMG_0625

Lookin' goooood!

So the other day, I went to Miranda’s house. While there, I noticed she had a new iPod Nano. The thing looked damn good. So I thought I’d get myself one. Then I remembered that I was a public defender and I didn’t make much money. So I started thinking. What if I took it and didn’t tell her? What if I took it and didn’t return it? What if I took it and then I thought better of it and put it back, all without her knowing?1

What crime would I be guilty of? (Yes, I am that nerdy.)

There is an easy answer and a difficult question. The easy answer, of course, is Larceny in the Sixth Degree, a C misdemeanor. The difficult question, however, is whether I am guilty of Burglary.

The burglary statutes have several common elements. Judging by the title of this post, you know which one I want to focus on. Here’s the entire Burglary 2nd statute:

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