Most law schools have just commenced their classes for the year, so I think this is an appropriate time to dispense some advice to the lawyers of tomorrow. One of the most important things you will do as a lawyer is object during a trial or a hearing. Since no one in law school will tell you that there are different ways to object, I feel it is incumbent upon me to do so. Practitioners, please chime in with your thoughts.

So. There are different levels of objections. Believe you me. Here, reproduced for your benefit and that A you’re going to get this semester, is the heirarchy:

• Objection
• Objection!
• I object!
• With all due respect, I object!
• I strenuously object!
• I wholeheartedly object!
• I object with every fiber of my being!
• I respectfully and strenuously object!
• I zealously object!
• I object, I object, I object!
• You’re not going to get away with this shit!
• What the f*ck!

You’re welcome.