a public defender

I suppose friendship, like love, is often contradictory and irrational. It can even be toxic. And one could argue endlessly about the virtues of “unconditional friendship” which also would allow for such friendships. So to answer your questions, I suggest the answer to both is yes. Personally, if I were gay, I think I’d find it difficult, if not impossible, to have a “good friend” who was so opposed to such an integral part of my identity. Also, IMHO, to claim to have “good friends” who are gay while wanting to undermine who and what they are seems, at best, paternalistic and, at worst, disingenuous.

I have not much of a problem with recognizing civil unions, because life is tough alone. But I am opposed to gay marriage. I would never dream of discussing it with my gay friend, who I missed seeing this w/e or my gay sibling. It is not my wish to hurt them, both dear to me, or to inadvertently set off a war. Politics and religion. Don’t discuss them in mixed company is how I was raised.

A rough analogy. My stepson got married by a Presbyterian minister recently though he and his girlfriend were raised Catholic. It was her idea. I understand where it came from. But I raised hell for about ten seconds. I made her laugh. I exchanged a few gentle barbs expressing my theme with the pastor in the vestibule while awaiting the entourage. They are very Orange, you know. He caught on perfectly and smiled. A Scot. We chatted for a half hour or so at the reception.

But the kids have a toddler so at least they got married. I dislike the Family Court lifestyle even more. This is notwithstanding that I would prefer they made the effort to marry in the Church, but it’s done now. It’s their life, I expressed my opinion, they did not go for it, and that is the end of it.

The reverend wanted me to join with the two natural mothers in lighting an alter candle. I declined. I am not that liberal, I explained, and after all I did not carry either the bride or groom in my body for nine months. Let them shine.

The gay marriage issue is beset with I guess the hypervigilance and sense of grievance that promoters of group rights tend to have. As I understant it, most of our founders had in mind individual rights, not group rights, creating a republic (not so much a democracy) with an elected executive, elected congress, deliberative courts, and a distribution of power. Among their objectives was to check both the tyranny of the majority, and the competitiveness of “factions.”

So it is not such a feat speaking for me to have an intellectual opinion separate from emotions. Like love.

I once knew a woman whose best friend (and roommate) was homosexual. She thought gays were going to go to hell if they didn’t change their ways. The gay roommate agreed and was trying (unsuccessfully) to become straight. Basically, they both shared the same world-view and were trying to help each other become “better” people. I think friendship sometimes is too complex for those outside it to understand. Anyway, think of all the sexist jerks throughout history who had loyal loving wifes.

The sooner the government deals with civil union and leaves marriage to the magicians (churches or whatever) the better. Or we could all go back to the bible: marriage is between one man and one or more women (concubines are fine but don’t count) but no divorce - ever.