Anyone here think that if you made it with any of the Chinese female gymnasts, you wouldn’t be guilty of stat. rape (in a jurisdiction where the age of consent is 16)? I didn’t think so. They’re as sixteen as my middle aged beard.
After defeating the guys on the other side again, the ball rolls up to Kerri [Walsh]‘s feet. As if to rub it in their faces, she says: “Best seven out of twelve?”
Then in my really mild fantasy, the commercial ends like this:
Guy 1: I’m sorry — best seven out of twelve?
Guy 2: Are you sure you don’t mean, just, first to seven? Or best of thirteen? I mean, that’d be the same thing. You could say either of those things and it would make sense.
Guy 3: Maybe she means best out of seven. That would make sense too.
Kerri Walsh: No, no. Best seven out of twelve. First to seven. Even if it takes twelve games.
Guy 2: Okay, but, no, because, um, what if we tie, 6-6?
Guy 1: What if — wait, let me think for…okay, yeah — what if she means, we put our best seven games from a larger twelve game set, and compare that with her best seven games from the same larger set of twelve. Is that what you meant?
Kerri Walsh: [silence]
Guy 2: How many people —
Kerri Walsh: Best seven out of twelve.
Guy 2: How many people laid eyes on that line before it got into the final print of this commercial. Eight? Twenty? Forty, probably, right? At least forty?
Director [off-camera]: Fifty one!
Guy 3: Wow.
Kerri Walsh: I didn’t think about…I just…my Mom was…best seven out of twelve.
[three minutes of nothing but Kerri Walsh crying]
Heh. And my all-time favorite from last April:
Joe Morgan: [...] There will be a lot of teams involved in deciding who goes to the playoffs this year.
KT: And I only include this because the last sentence is the least insightful thing anyone has ever said about baseball in the history of ever and ever amen.
Think about that statement. This man is paid millions to provide insightful commentary on baseball games. Awesome.
Caught on tape: