Unemployable

During my first year in law school, I wanted to be an International Human Rights lawyer. Seriously. Then, for reasons that may be explained another day, I decided I wanted to practice criminal law. Specifically, I wanted to be a public defender. So I set about doing that. I ignored the law reviews, I ignored the Moot Court board, I ignored all the write on competitions – heck, I even ignored “OCI” (on-campus interviews). While many of my friends were working their rears off during our first summer trying to get their “write-on” application completed, I was chugging Long Island Iced Teas at the local watering hole.

I don’t regret it one bit. I love my job and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

But. On March 31st of this year, when I was preparing for that poor April Fool’s Day joke, I decided to take a look around the big firm websites in CT to see if there were any job openings. Just for a lark.

Take DayPitney, for example. DayPitney – formerly Day, Berry & Howard – may be the “biggest” Connecticut law firm. They have several openings. I’ll list them and you tell me how I’d fare if I applied:

Candidates for these positions must possess strong academic credentials and superior writing and communication skills, as well as New York Bar admission. These are excellent opportunities offering competitive salaries and benefits packages.

REAL ESTATE:

Real Estate Associate (3-5 years) with strong commercial leasing experience.

CORPORATE & BUSINESS LAW DEPARTMENT:

We are seeking an associate to join our Corporate and Business Law Department, as follows:

* Associate (mid-level to senior) with general tax and international tax experience.
CORPORATE AND BUSINESS LAW: LIFE SCIENCES AND HEALTHCARE

* Associate with 2-3 years experience for transactional and regulatory healthcare matters. Ideal candidate would possess prior experience in providing legal advice to healthcare, pharmaceutical, biotechnology, medical device, research institutions and technology-related entities.

CORPORATE ASSOCIATE:

* Associate with 3-5 years of mergers and acquisitions, securities regulations and broker-dealer experience, as well as general corporate matters. Additional experience with NASD and SEC regulations a plus.

FINANCIAL SERVICES ASSOCIATE:

* Bankruptcy Associate (3-5 years) with strong bankruptcy and commercial litigation experience. Loan transactional experience a plus.

It goes on and on, just like that. Sometimes I feel like the Aflac duck…

Needless to say, I would probably not be accepted to fill any of those positions. Not that I want them, mind you (although the extra money sure would be nice).

Here I am, with a number of years’ experience, with over a dozen trials under my belt, with a few appellate arguments, with over 100 clients I have personally dealt with and yet I would fail miserably at any of those jobs.

It just amazes me that when we go through law school, we get the same basic training, yet when we graduate, our work becomes so specialized that my law-school friend and I couldn’t switch jobs for a week without coming dangerously close to engaging in malpractice.

Any of you out there that have made the jump from purely criminal work (as a pd at that) to purely civil at a big firm? What was it like?