Crack House Due Process
Posted on
February 04, 2008 by
Gideon
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Don’t say you weren’t on notice…
My personal favorite is rule #9, which is blank. How appropriate. Update: Fill in the blank contest! Come up with the funniest rule #9 and you get a present!
Read the crack house rules here.
“Mad props” to The Saucy Vixen.
Other titles considered:
“When in Rome”, “8 simple rules for using my crack house” and “The Crack House Rules”.
(Disclaimer: Folks, these are rules posted in a crack house. There’s going to be explicit stuff. That’s your due process.)
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I think #9 provides a fantabulous opportunity for a contest.
The person who thinks of the best Rule #9 wins… well, wins something.
Fantastic idea. I’ll update the post.
You’ll find it on Urban Dictionary, but they give this word a sexual connotation. Here is the meaning, for those wondering about Number 8, of the word used in a drug-den context:
Crumming: When coming down from a high, and no crack is left, a crackhead will often pick up little bits of white particles, or crumbs, that hopefully are the small remnants of a crack rock, accidentally broken off, dropped unused. As coming off the high, the crackhead is often exhibits paranoid behavior, so he starts picking up every little crumb in sight, examining it with great attention. He may be rewarded with an unused piece of crack. The only way to be sure is to put the crumb in a crackpipe, lite ‘er up with the crack lighter (rigged so it has a giant flame), and if it melts and sizzles and smokes and has the taste, it is the real deal…
I had the rare opportunity of watching a crackhead in action. One word describes the behavior: Bizzare.
Oh, and my entry is:
You drop the piece of crack, skank, and you get a backhanded bitch slap!
#9 Everyone must do their part to help make this crack house a crack home.
#9 When the no smoking sign is lit, there is no smoking in the entire crack-house, including the lavatories. Tampering with, disabling or destroying the lavatory smoke detectors is prohibited by federal law and is punishable by up to a $2,000 fine.
If you have any questions about your stay here today, please don’t hesitate to ask one of our pipe-attendants. Thank you.
#9: If you are “working” off a case for the cops, go work it at the crack house on the next block.
What did I win?
Don’t you just love the occasional gems that come hidden in police reports?
Lol. Yessiree. I especially love when they try to tackle confidential informants and assault on an officer cases.