a public defender

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My earlier post on two interesting studies has prompted some responses in the blogosphere. Okay, two. Scott offered his own thoughts here and then there was this.

It looks like a message board, but from Web 1.0. My post was linked along with the following comment:

“Attorneys who attended higher-tier law schools (based on 2005 U.S. News & World Report law school rankings) do not obtain better sentence outcomes for their clients than their peers who attended lower-tier schools”

This is obviously not true. It is beyond dispute that “attorneys” from lower-ranked schools can’t even tie their shoes.

Ah, okay, sarcasm, you say. That’s what I thought. Then it got weird. Someone followed up with:

Do attorneys from higher tiered law schools represent enough criminal defendants to get a statistically meaningful sample size?

I thought the point of going to such a school was to avoid having to deal with such people.

Uh… That prompted the following response:

No. The point of going to a higher tiered school is to avoid being one of those people. A better pedigree means that you wonÂ’t be a contract “attorney.” I put “attorney” in quotes because they are not real attorneys and are a shame to America. Moreover, sometimes they are called “JD-Paras” or some crap to make it clear that they count as 3/5ths of a human. Law firms that hire them are engaged in an act of charity by employing these lazy lay-abouts (and teasing them with offers of employment) and teaching them the value of real work.

Once you are above it all, you can choose any job you want regardless of your qualifications.* Just like some people orgasm at the thought of helping their clients avoid criminal liability for anally raping the environment, some people like working with poor people accused of rape. (Obviously when rich people are accused of rape, local counsel must obtain the services of people that work at large firms.)

If you are a trust-fund baby, you can even afford to work for the lower classes.

*This isn’t really true with the exception of one or two places.

And finally this:

AWC: “A better pedigree means that you [won't] be a contract ‘attorney.’ I put ‘attorney’ in quotes because they are not real attorneys and are a shame to America.”

Me: Nail on the head. They are not only NOT attorneys, they are barely human to hear my friend tell it.

I took a friend out to lunch yesterday who clerked for a magistrate judge last year to cheer him up. He went to a TTTT, got the job completely by connections, and did only pretty well at said school. Suffice it to say that in trying to find a job within arguably the most competitive legal market in the country, he’s finding it tough. He also has to eat so he’s working as a K atty.

Wow, I thought the rumors were, well, just rumors. He tells me that he and his compatriots are housed at an off-site warehouse in a large, badly-ventilated, dimly-lit, windowless room. They are literally made to “work” in virtual silence for hours at a time before taking bathroom breaks — too many of which will result in immediate dismissal. Sometimes they are sent home inexplicably at, say, noon because the work has dried up or the client is trying to save funds. Any diversion from the stated norm is, um, “frowned upon.” No phones, no internet, no escape.

Perhaps this is what John McCain went through in Nam.

Are large document productions modern-day prison camps?

I still think it’s all a joke. After all, this is a website run by a reputable company: Findlaw. Although it is called Infirmation, which redirects to Findlaw Careers, or Greedy Associates.

What do you guys think?