Listen up, dumbass

Furthering the series of posts on "Advice to Clients", comes this gem via PD Clerk, entitled "Some advice from your Public Defender". Choice quotes include:

You have the right to remain silent. So SHUT THE FUCK UP. Those cops
are completely serious when they say your statements can and will be
used against you. There’s just no need to babble on like it’s a drink
and dial session. They are just pretending to like you and be
interested in you.

On one of the common complaints heard from PD clients:

Don’t think you’ll improve my interest in your case by yelling at me,
telling me I’m not doing anything for you, calling me a public
pretender or complaining to my supervisor. This does not inspire me, it
makes me hate you and want to work with you even less.

On not being careless:

For the morons: Your second grade teacher was right – neatness counts.
Just clean up! When you rob the store, don’t leave your wallet. When
you drive into the front of the bank, don’t leave the front license
plate. When you rape/assault/rob a woman on the street, don’t leave
behind your cell phone. After you abuse your girlfriend, don’t leave a
note saying that you’re sorry.

If you are being chased by the cops and you have dope in your
pocket – dump it. These cops are not geniuses. They are out of shape
and want to go to Krispy Kreme and most of all go home. They will not
scour the woods or the streets for your 2 grams of meth. But they will
check your pockets, idiot. 2 grams is not worth six months of jail.

On defenses:

"I didn’t put it all the way in."  Not a defense.

"All the money is gone now."  Not a defense.

"The bitch deserved it."  Not a defense.

"But that dope was so stepped on, I barely got high." Not a defense.

"She didn’t look thirteen."  Possibly a defense; it depends.

"She didn’t look six."  Never a defense, you just need to die.

And finally, on "How can you defend those people?":

For the idiots who ask me how I sleep at night: I sleep just fine,
thank you. There’s nothing wrong with any of my clients that could not
have been fixed with money or the presence of at least one caring adult
in their lives. But that window has closed, and that loss diminishes us
all.

Couldn’t have said it better myself.